Mangroomer Woe

One thing Maria has taught me is the importance of tidy nostrils and ears. She is the Yoda of personal grooming, and I am her Luke. She wields a pair of tweezers like Yoda swings his light-sabre. She is a good teacher, and I have obediently taken her teachings on board.

Three things, however, impede my progress:
* I'm not very disciplined - I'm like a cartoon hose, turgid with water, and spraying all over the room. I will always avoid things I don't like, even and, maybe especially, when I know they're good for me.
* I can grow hair for England - lots of thick brown hair, especially on my face. I have shave-worthy hair on and in my ears and nose, on my forehead, and even on my tongue and eyes.
* I'm not bad with pain, but I cannot inflict it on myself.

It's been a couple of weeks since I last did my nose. I won't do my ears - I just can't face it. I'll howl and cry and I'm worried that my housemates will think I'm dying ...

Sigh, I've just added the 'Mangroomer essential nose and hair trimmer' into my amazon cart. When I click 'buy' my life will officially be over. You know I'm telling the truth because I just split an infinitive.

There are so many nose and ear hair trimmers I had to narrow my search down to which one had the best name. As a bonus, the 'mangroomer' even has had a lot of satisfied customers, it seems. Here's a couple of examples (my emphases):

Hubby says that his is nearly as good as his old one. Yes, the occasional pulled nose hair, but not enough tug to pull them out or cause tears (bellydancegoddess, miami)

It is funny to be discussing nose hair, but all men eventually have to deal with it. I have had literally over 5 to 6 different kinds of nose trimmers and this is by far the best (devon, puerto rico)

This is a great little trimmer. It's not that cheap plastic type. This is actually quite sturdy. It also has a rotating head which is the ONLY kind to get. The rest are junk. We love ours! Thanks! (Muff, Michigan)

I had a Panasonic trimmer which was cheaply constructed. It was painful to use this since it pulled the hair everytime. So I stopped using it for few months and after that, it stopped working. Junk! I looked at this Mangroomer for several months on and off, but did not bother to buy it. But finally I purchased this item with other item so I can get free shipping. This item is realy good (thebuyer)

There's 16 posts on this product. Each post has been rated as 'helpful' or 'unhelpful' by between 4 and 38 people. Who bothers to take the time out with this sort of thing? Well, I certainly will when I finally receive my mangroomer!

Amazon is a great little website - it recommends me things, which I dutifully buy to reward its cleverness. It's cheap, and has everything at a touch of a button. Yet it also tells you what a loser you are. It just doesn't let you forget mistakes in your browsing history. I bought a beanbag recently, so now its recommending me loads of kids toys. I looked at lentils, and now it recommends me everything from books on sustainable living to yoga mats to the bible.

But the best thing about Amazon is the social commentary inside the 'customers who bought this item also bought' section. Customers who bought the mangroomer essential hair and nose trimmer also bought:

* do-it-yourself electric back hair shaver
* 'too fat to fish' by artie lange
* weight loss pills
* 'the incredible hulk' DVD
* heart rate monitor
* grand theft auto IV
* 5lb tubs of weight-gain whey powder
* 'fasta pasta the microwave cooker'
* Bubba the Love Sponge presents 'Bubba Raw' Vol 1

This is the company I now keep, as I approach my 27th birthday

POSTSCRIPT
Don't mistake my mood (blues). A man doesn't videotape his own demise.